Aint' nobody got time fo dat

Its been quite a while since I posted on this blog but I've had a few good reasons well actually just one good reason. Makenna was born on May 5, 2012 and that day forever changed the rest of my life. I had no idea what was coming my way. This was me looking at my beautiful daughter for the first time.

 Now that she is almost 11 months old and I think about this day it just amazes me so much. I am a father of a little innocent girl. I am blessed with the perfect little family, my wife and I couldn't be happier. Although we love our daughter it does put added pressure on your relationship and we have made a ton of tough decisions. With a baby comes a ton of changes to our lives, from changing careers to houses.

When Makenna was born we were elated and filled with optimism and energy. Then came the sleepless nights and colic. OHHH BOY the Colic is hoooorrriiiibblllleeeeeee. For those of you who don't know what colic is- a condition in which an otherwise healthy baby cries or displays symptoms of distress (cramping, moaning, etc.) frequently and for extended periods, without any discernible reason. Without getting into to much detail I must say it was very hard on our relationship and I am grateful to be in a such a strong relationship. During these times Justine and I would remind each other that our relationship is just as important as our daughter and for us to have time for just us. OMG was that easier said than done. It's crazy to think that this 10 lb creature needs so much time and energy.

Early on we had agreed that we wanted to raise our daughter by ourselves as much as possible not only for her sake but for my wallet too. So in order for us to this we have to have opposite schedules for the most part. She works day and I work night  My days off when she works and so on. This was a huge mistake on our part, it is just not feasible. It made us feel like we were both single parents raising this child by ourselves. Then the hardship it puts on our relationship was horrible. I never got to see my wife unless we occasionally had the same day off. We both agreed this had to stop so we opened our schedules a little more and it has really helped.

Now we are taking a step further and going on dates every other weekend which so far is a blast and a great time to catch up with each other. We go every other weekend because the off weekend we watch our baby sitters kid so they can go on a date and we call it even. One month in and I am wondering why this didn't happen months ago. I get to continue learning about my wife. Our conversations aren't pointless/lifeless jargon just spewing out of our mouths. This is just a rant/reminder to everyone that relationships are just as important as your kids. Remember they wouldn't be here if you didn't fall in love.


Peace


PS- I didn't plan to write this so don't mind the horrible flow and grammar stuff, remember "Aint' nobody got time fo dat"

Water your damn lawn...

Why does everyone think the grass is greener on the other side? Over the past week I have heard people say this phrase or a variation of it 10 or so times. I agree with the statement in most cases because its true, the grass is greener on the other side. However that grass is also filled with dog sh**, because dogs always target the greenest patch.

Now my question to you is, why is the grass greener on the other side? Why is it that the sun seems to shine more when you aren't there or the rain falls on that side of the hill but not ours?

My theory is because we don't water our own lawns. People are always so worked up about other peoples lives and what they have that you don't. Why ME? If people spent as much time gossiping and talking about doing things on creating a better life for themselves and their families. If they would water there own lawns the grass wouldn't be so bad on your side.

Alright enough metaphors, I don't think any of my audience are philosophy majors anyways. Basically what I'm trying to say is to live your own life. I have been blessed with an amazing relationship with my wife. So I can't harp to much on your relationship problems. However, I have thought a lot about relationships and why mine works so well. Why is it that Justine and I can have a whirlwind hit us and we are still standing? If you follow my blog you know what the answer is to this, if not go read my previous posts NOW. Just kidding you don't have to.

What would you say the most common reason for divorce is? Money, cheating, falling out of love. Is it possible to fall out of love? If the love was true in the first place? Statistically speaking, the number one reason for divorce in the world is COMMUNICATION. How can you expect to be with someone you interact with during at least 50 % of your day and not talk about how to do that. The second most common is money. I think money should be apart of the first reason and I can guarantee that you lack communication about money with your spouse. I'm not talking about saying "hey can I have 5 bucks for gas" Should read "hey can  I have 60$ to get a 1/4 tank of gas. What I'm saying is devising a plan to live on less than you make. A written budget that both of you either make together or agree upon together. A written budget is a plan that says where every dollar you make goes and you have to stick to it.

Justine and I have done this for the past few months and it has literally changed not only the way we spend our hard earned money but changed our relationship for the better. We don't argue about money. She writes up the budget once a week and shows it to me and we agree on a final product.

In conclusion, don't worry about whats on the other side, green grass or not. Try watering your own lawn first and if it doesn't become green try planting new seeds of grass. Sooner or later you will have a putting green that you can call your own, and dogs aren't allowed to sh** on putting greens....

Thanks for reading my  blog rant....

Till Next time

Trevor C.

My thoughts on becoming a dad...

As most of you know I'm on the verge of becoming a father of my first child, a baby girl by the name of Makenna to be exact. I cant even begin to explain the emotions that have gone through my mind body and soul over the past 8 months of my life. From the day we found out we were having a baby to this morning when I kissed my wife's belly to say good-bye for the day. There is a certain feeling that takes over your body when you know you are going to have this tiny little life that will look to you for everything for the rest of their lives.

I will be the first to tell you that I am an ignorant man when it comes to children and definitely little girls. At first I was like most young men having a child for the first time. Its a BOY and I wont except anything else. I was shocked and stunned as myself and 18 of my closest family and friends sat the ultrasound room that day. To my demise and embarrassment, we... were having a baby girl. "WOOOOO haha Trevor you were wrong hahaha" filled the room as everyone pointed at me because I was certain it was a boy. Little did I know they were the ones who got the short end of the stick.

The relationship between a daughter and her dad is like nothing else on earth. As I felt the deadening sound of my "people" rubbing it in, I thought of the relationship my mom has with her father. They are the epitome of a father-daughter relationship. They talk everyday even though they live 388.6 miles away from each other. They know each other better than anyone else but god. I was the man saying " I am a man, I don't even have the ability to make a girl its impossible" and now I am sitting at work writing a blog about how stupid I was and how mesmerized I am by the fact that I am going to raise a a baby girl to become a strong minded beautiful woman.

It's funny how much you are willing to do for this person that you can't see, you can't hear, and makes the person you love more than anything else in the world act like shes possessed by the devil at times. I am working my a** off working 60-70 hour work weeks for some little girl that I can't even hug when I get home yet. Then again it feels so natural and easy.

So I am starting to get back on my blog to get rid of my anxiety, and emotions that are changing on a daily basis and hopefully I can help some of my readers in the process...

Till Next time

Relay-tionship

A relay race is ran by a team of athletes who work together to complete a certain distance. All doing there part to get the job done. Sometimes you have to pick up slack for the other players and sometimes they have to pick up for you. Incidents happen like dropping the baton, tripping, and injuries. However, no matter what happens you can still win.

What words come to mind when you hear the word "team"? Fun, loyalty, excitement, hard work, kinship, sacrifice, cooperation, and collaboration come to my mind. The definition of team is "a number of persons associated in some joint action". I know that Justine and I are a great team. We love working together in order to achieve a goal. Whether it be paying bills on time, schooling, excelling at work, or being very hard to beat in a game of beer pong, as a lot of my readers will agree ;). 


Now, what words come to your mind when you hear the word "relationship"? 
It's my guess that it might be some of the same words, (fun, sacrifice, loyalty, hard work, cooperation) yet we don't act like it. Not only do we not act like we are a team but sometimes we get the feeling that we are on opposite teams. How many times have you and your spouse said "but I did it last time, or I did this and that and you didn't do anything"? Why is it programmed in our brain to so called "take score" of our relationship? When you are on a sports team do you blame the other players for something you didn't do and was supposed to do or do you man up and say no its my fault and I will take care of it? This is a huge part of a relationship. A very smart man once told me that a marriage is a partnership where each individual gives 90% and expects 10%. If you think a 50/50 relationship will work, you are setting yourself up for failure.

I was trying to figure out all day what to write about on my blog and even though I have a lot of experiences and stories it is always better to have something relevant. After working all day I still couldn't pinpoint what to write about. Then I got home and little miss preggo decided it was fall cleaning time(I think the nesting thing is starting to kick in). I always sometimes help out around the house and after 4 years my wife knows this about me so she really only expects 10% out of me and is willing to do the other 90%. However, I want to give my 90% and help her out as much as possible. So before you know we are detailing the house from top to bottom including our dog Harley. Three hours later what do you know a blog idea. This not only makes Justine happy because I exceeded here expectations but it also makes me feel good knowing I did. 


Thinking and acting like your relationship as a team is a great way to instill a strong foundation for a lifelong journey.

What grade are you in?

A new relationship is like starting grade school all over again. You must learn everything you can about this new person in your life. Knowing someone better than they know themselves is a great feeling and makes your relationship untouchable. During the first date what do you talk about? What is your middle name? whats your birthday? What do you want to be in 5 years? Stuff like that is what tells you that you have feelings for this person. With out these details how can you say "I like you" let alone "I love you". I will never stop learning about Justine after 4 1/2 years of being together, 3 years of marriage, working with her, living with her, and the numerous vacations and dates we have been on. The way I see it, I am merely a 5th grader at Justine P. Cosby Elementary. I feel that after a while something happens to couples where they stop wanting to know about there significant other. Whether it be there lives are so hectic, complacency, or a lack of knowledge that these extra curricular classes or continuing education classes are available.

Sometimes are lives seem to take precedence over our relationship that most of us would say I would rather be dead then not be with her/him. Why is that? Why don't we flirt anymore with our spouse? Think about these things and also ask yourself, what grade am I in? What can I do to graduate to middle school, high school, college and pass the MCAT to get my medical license and doctorates?

What do I do to continuously learn about my wife? TALK, Justine and I talk a lot. Whether it be about what is for dinner or how her day went or what she thinks about the political debate going on, WE TALK. Another thing we try to do is go on dates or take a weekend getaway. Yea our bosses or parents don't like these little trips because we are broke but hell, 150$ trip to a camp site beats a broken heart and thawed out relationship any day. I don't want to be the kid who couldn't graduate school, do you?

Its Complicated...

Why is it that 95% of relationship advise is from a woman's perspective and yet men always are asking "What do women want"? I understand  that women are conveniently and rightfully complicated, but I also understand the mans way of thinking is not that. Men are habitual beings, in that, they will find something that makes them happy and continually do that until they are not satisfied anymore. Men don't like to work hard at making something work that they don't want to work.(confusing i know) If you ask a man to fix the lawnmower so that he can mow the lawn what will his brain say? HELL NO ill go get a new lawnmower that will mow the lawn for me or ask Bill the guy who is hired to do all my buddy's lawns. (LM inside joke) I am a very habitual person. I like to have things my way everyday the same until I am unsatisfied. Hence me owning 9 cars in my very short span of having my license. I love my cars everyday just as they are for a while then I hate them and say screw it I'm going to get a new car today. Good thing my wife has learned quickly that this little habit of mine is me and it would probably drive most women crazy i.e. my mom. But not my wife she loves the things that would drive other girls crazy and I love the things about her that would drive other guys crazy.<the true meaning of love.

Women on the other hand are complicated and like things there way depending on what day it is  what time of day it is. Which from a mans perspective is very annoying and frustrating. What us men have to realize is that what women want isn't always a specific answer that works every time whether we like it or not. There is no permanent solution to a women's problem there is only a temporary one. Have you ever asked a women what she wants to eat for dinner and you end up having to name off every restaurant in every cuisine in California (wait till shes pregnant the list gets short real quick)? Then, when you get to that restaurant, they sit there for 3 hours looking at the menu and then end up getting the same thing they got last week when you went through this. And women have you ever noticed that when we(men) pull up to the place and know exactly what we want and approx. how long it should take to receive that meal? We are habitual, we order the same food every time because that is how are brain works. Until they come out with a better version of that item we stick to it because we know we like it and it satisfies our need.

Why is knowing these things important to a healthy and happy relationship?
I think about the little nuances of women and men a lot. This one has always stuck with me and I see it all to often. Men have to realize that women over think everything and need time and an understanding man to give that to them. Women need to also understand that we know what we want and to stop asking "do you know what you want?" because the answer is always yes, trust me. Whether it is dinner or picking out a new car, don't bother. Justine and I understand these principles and use them daily. I know that if I ask her how her day was I am going to hear exactly word for word every conversation that she had that day and how everyone looks at her stomach before they ever look at her face (shes preggo) and how it annoys her ... okay you get the point. She knows if she asks how my day was, "good" is as good as it gets in most cases with the occasional "I hate in-n-out" thrown in there. 

PS If you have any questions that you would like me to write about, ask and if you want to know an answer to a certain situation I would love to answer it and give my two cents.

My First Post

About me...

I am Trevor Cosby. I am 23 years old and Married to Justine Cosby who is currently pregnant with our first child. I have been married for a little over 3 years now (wipes sweat off of brow). I work as a MRI tech at a local imaging facility and as a lead at In-n-out Burger. I am starting this blog because I an tired of watching TV at the moment and needed something to do while my little brain always has to have something to work on. So TADA!!! a blog. I always heard about blogs, but have read maybe 2 or 3 of them and it never dawned on me to write my own until now. I have always thought of myself as a lucky man and blessed with a wonderful relationship between my wife and I. I have also noticed that a lot of people around me like to ask for advise in relationships or hardships they might be going through at the time.

So I decided my blog would be about my relationship and the daily things my wife and I do to deal with what arises. When asked about what makes my marriage works, my reply is simple and straightforward. Communication, this is the single most important aspect of my relationship. We talk to each other and speak are mind. When we first started dating we made a pact to never and I mean never walk away from each other if we are arguing. I don't care what anyone says walking away to "cool down" is the biggest mistake you can make. I am proud to say in the 4+ years of my relationship I nor my wife have ever walked away during an argument. Walking away from a situation that falls into the category of "argument" is saying to me that you don't care and would rather be somewhere else then trying to solve the problem at hand. A while back I remember reading an article on the web (maybe it was one of those few blogs), on the difference between the ways men and women communicate. Men are very short, to the point, and apathetic, where as women are very emotionally drawn into communication. Hence the clash in communication practices by nature. This statement does not at all mean that all men hate talking about things and listening to women's drawn out versions of the story but rather in general that's how it goes. I myself am guilty of kind of tuning out my wife and it is something I try to work on daily.